NTC Day 60 -Faith in the confusion of Revelation

My memory verse this week:
"But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life." -- Jude 1:20-21

NTC Day 60
Revelation 9-12

Ok, dear friends...I admit it. I do not understand all the symbolism and imagery of Revelation! I read chapters 5-8 THREE times yesterday, in two different translations. Today, after reading chapters 9-12 and studying the notes in my study Bible, I went online looking for some interpretations that I could understand and I found more confusion! There are SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS of interpreting this last book of the Bible!

I get the main points...Good triumphs over evil and God wins in the end. I have hung on to that promise my whole life. When the darkness threatens to pull my under, I remember that God wins!  I also understand that believers of Christ and God's faithful people will be protected and saved from the horrors of the end times. For that I am ETERNALLY grateful! (Literally! LOL)

But...I have so many questions! If God loves all his creations, including those who don't love him back (which I totally believe!) how could be bring such suffering to those who don't believe? I read the Left Behind series...or most of it...and wonder about the glory found in such utter chaos and suffering. I am just little human me, and not worthy to question God, but I can't help but wonder and my heart breaks for those left behind. 

Does that make me a bleeding heart? Does being a bleeding heart make me less of a Christian? I guess it is hard to understand the vast difference between Jesus' teachings about love, forgiveness and loving your enemies with the hunger for revenge and wrath and pain and suffering of Revelation.

I believe in my heart that God understands my questions and doesn't condemn me for asking them. I am seeking understanding. I also am left feeling there is more I can do...I don't want anyone... not those I love, not those I am acquainted with, not those strangers I see on the street...I don't want to think of anyone suffering the torment of locusts, floods, famine. What can I do? Can I tell more people about what God's love and Christ's sacrifice has done in MY life? Can I be honest with nonbelievers and say there is much I don't understand about God and his future for our world, but that I trust that I will be safe in his arms in heaven one day?

I need to remember what my memory verse for this week says, when I get confused and bothered by my confusion, I need to hold tight to my faith and pray. I need to remember that God loves me, and wait for Christ to bring me into eternity. Not understanding Revelation has caused me to read and study and search for meaning...that is not a bad thing. My questions only strengthen my faith and make me hold tighter to it.