"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas
morning and not be a child." ~ Erma Bombeck
I can remember being a college student and having quite a bit of sadness at Christmas time. The hard part was I didn't understand at the time why I was sad and that upset me most of all. Looking back with the wisdom of my adulthood, I can see that I was grieving my childhood. Christmas loses part of its magic when the kaleidoscope lenses of childhood are removed. It didn't matter how many silly Christmas songs I sang with my college roommate, or how many cocktails I enjoyed with my friends, Santa and his magic had left me behind.
When I became a mother, I picked up those lenses again. The charms of Christmastime returned through the eyes of my daughter as I watched her joy at the lights, special wrapping paper, presents and songs. Holiday stresses of adulthood dulled the joy a bit with money worries and struggling to get everything done, but the sadness I had experienced a few years before wasn't there. I found joy in dancing around the living room with my daughter to the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack and seeing her eyes light up in the glow of the candles during "Silent Night" at church on Christmas Eve.
This year, the old Christmas melancholy has returned with a vengeance. My daughter is grown, married and on her own and not able to come home to help with the decorating. Had I not had a meeting at my house a few weeks ago, I don't know if I would have decorated my house at all. Old treasured holiday traditions are changing and I can't even find the box where I kept those magical kaleidoscope lenses. There have been many days in the last month that I wanted to just skip Christmas altogether. Listening to Christmas music has always brought me joy in the past, but this year, I find that it grates on my nerves like listening to someone chewing gum with their mouth open. (Does that not drive you crazy?) I have shed more tears in the past few months than I have this entire year. Of course, the good ole "change of life" and the horrendous hormones that come along with it might be mixing with all my worries and have something to do with the "great sadness of 2019."
I am a pretty happy person most of the time, so crying at the drop of a sappy Christmas car commercial, or bursting into tears the moment your pastor asks you if you are ready for Christmas is pretty upsetting! So...how to fight this great yuletide sadness? (Besides a good bottle of Carbernet!) Human interaction! Laughing with friends is the ONLY thing that is keeping me from falling apart this Christmas. I truly think that God is consoling me and my anxiety THROUGH the love of my friends.
So, I am taking this time to thank all the people who have spent time with me, hugged me, prayed with me, laughed with me, cheered me up and brought me a little bit of allusive joy. I am forever grateful to you all because without you, I would be in a puddle on the floor like Frosty the Snowman inside the greenhouse!
Are YOU struggling this Christmas? Are you feeling sad and melancholy? Find some humans to interact with! God gifts us with friends for a reason. Don't have any friends? Step out of your comfort zone and make some! There are so many lonely people in the world today. We are not meant to do this life alone, so put your phone down and reach out to someone and let them know you care about them and find a reason to laugh. It really does help.
Merry Christmas, my friends! Be blessed!
