I'm 50 years old today. I am tempted to post a picture of "Sally O'Malley" from Saturday Night Live and say something funny like "And I can KICK!" But, this morning, I am thinking deeper thoughts. (Which brings to mind another SNL reference I will let pass..)
My birthday present to myself this morning was an early morning visit to the sun porch and I watched "Mr. Rogers & Me." I loved Mr. Rogers when I was a kid and now as an adult, I value his kindness, his softness, and his lessons even more than I did then.
I have been working on "ruthlessly eliminating hurry from my life" which is advice from another favorite author of mine, Dallas Willard. I am SO busy all the time, with good things, of course, but so many things that I don't have time to write or think as I would like to. When I am so busy, I don't take time to look around me and be moved or touched by something I think is beautiful, noble or sacred. Mr. Rogers said that he thinks many of the problems we have in this world today happen because people don't take time to do that. When we can't see the beautiful, noble and sacred things around us, we don't see the value of this life, so we don't treasure and value life at all. We just rush from day to day, from task to task, throwing things and people away left and right.
For example, as I sit here and type these words on my sun porch, a rain storm is brewing. I am enjoying the refreshing, cool breeze and observing the contrast in the sky from the blue and sun that was there a moment ago to the dark, brooding clouds that have covered everything. I used to love storms when I was a kid, especially sitting in the old barn on the farm, listening to the rain hitting the old tin roof and watching the storm come and go. I rarely take time to observe and enjoy things like that anymore because honestly, I am either rushing to get somewhere or have my face in my phone. I don't appreciate the beauty that is around me everyday.
I have written before about how I don't enjoy silence. I don't know why it scares or bothers me so. It seems I always have some sort of music or other noise playing around me, distracting me and pulling for my attention. What do I miss by not listening to the silence?
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 Why does God want me to be still in order to know that He is God? I believe it's because He speaks to us in the silence. With so much noise and distraction in our ears and in front of our faces every day, no wonder the world believes there is no God. They CAN'T hear Him!
Fred Rogers understood. He practiced being silent from time to time and allowed God to speak to his soul. From that understanding he said, "Deep and simple is far more essential than shallow and complex." How true. When we give ourselves the time and the silence to go deeper into our own hearts and simply BE, we open our souls up and this allows us to see the beauty within ourselves. "Treat others the way you want to be treated" only works if you value and love yourself first. I don't mean a selfish kind of love for yourself, where you only want what you want...but truly loving and appreciating who you are. When you can do that for yourself, you can do it for others too.
My 50th birthday has been bothering me for months. Why? It's not really because of the menopause, wrinkles, gray hairs and aches and pains that have been hitting me recently. It's really because there is SO MUCH more I wanted to do with my life and I am running out of good years! I have wasted so many years trying to figure out who I wanted to be when I grow up. It has taken me 50 years to figure out that I just need to be me.
So, on this 50th birthday, instead of lamenting about getting older, I am looking forward to the next phase of my life. I will strive to fill my life with a few more silent moments and enjoy the messages that I find there. I will learn to be still and just BE. I will surround myself with people I love and invite new friends into my life as well. I will be excited for the new adventures ahead of me. There are still good times to be had! Oh, and by the way, I CAN still kick! ;-)
"Often when you think your're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else." -- Fred Rogers
Thank you Mr. Rogers!
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