My sun porch

My sun porch

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


A Bible verse for today:
"Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." (John 5:8 NIV)

Before Jesus says this to the paralyzed man, he asks him if he wants to get well. The man doesn't really answer, but says he doesn't have anyone to get him into the healing pool.

This story struck me today, mainly because...I ask I want to get well? Do I want to stop fighting my weight and finally learn to live a healthy life? Do I want to take the knowledge that I already know and use it to live a better life? Why do I ask myself these questions? Because I keep reliving and reviving old habits that are holding me back...they are comfortable...they are an escape.

I may not escape into a bottle or into the arms of a stranger, but I do escape. When I get tired of all my responsibilities and fears and worries, I escape into a book or into a television show. It is easier to get caught up into the made-up, screwed-up lives of fictional characters than it is to face my own stuff. That is what I have been doing in the past few weeks.

I finished the New Testament Challenge...proud of myself that I made it...I read almost all of the new testament in 63 days. (I missed a few days here and there.) I had a good plan to get my finances back on track. But then I lost my focus...perhaps it was the constant back pain, or worry about my husband...I don't know, but I got addicted to watching "Private Practice" on Netflix. 

Those doctors may be smart and brilliant, but they make the STUPIDEST decisions in their private AND professional lives! I would get SO MAD at them...yes, I know, it's just a story...drama, drama, drama. But did their stupid mistakes make me feel better about my own? They were my escape.

But when will I ever learn that I don't need an escape? I have missed writing to you...I have missed reading the Bible each day and pondering with you what it means for me in my own life. I KNOW that I feel better when I do that, why are there times I run away from that Godly comfort and try my own escape?

Well...I think it might be because sometimes, even though I know I am to pray at all times and in all situations...I take that prayer and God-peace for granted. Perhaps I need to step away from it sometimes to truly appreciate it. I don't know... maybe that is just rationalization. It is what I do.

Anyway, I am back. I may not write every day, but I do appreciate the chance to put my feelings into words and imagine you reading them. Maybe an occasional escape from the norm, even if that norm is very good for me, is a good thing.

I do want to get well...I do want to live, today I will pick up my mat and walk. I pray that God is watching out for me and Jesus' healing hand is on me as I return from this escape and focus again on getting well.

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