Self control and broken walls

"Like a city whose walls are broken through, is a person who lacks self control." -- Proverbs 25:28

Self control is a big issue for me...or lack thereof. I lack the self control to be consistent with my healthy eating, with my exercise, with my attempts at wise spending habits and financial plan to get out of debt. But what I am discovering is that control is not mine to gain.

I have failed over and over to do things myself. I have talked about the fact that I fail over and over, and I TRY to give control to God, but I still seem to hang on.

Sometimes, I feel like a city with broken walls...thieves can sneak in and steal my joy and my health because the protective walls are crumbling and broken and easy to climb over. Even though my city is still trying to do business as usual, my enemies have invaded and I find myself cowering under the bed, waiting for someone to come save me. I cry out to God to save me...

God hears my cries and reaches out to me...in a word from a friend, in a passage I read, in a commercial I see on TV...God reaches out to me and reminds me that He is there. He can chase out my enemies and rebuild my protective walls...but I HAVE TO GIVE UP CONTROL! I have to surrender, not to my ememies, but to my protector and Savior. If I keep trying to fix things on my own, it won't work, it won't be strong enough and those walls will come crashing down again.

I don't know why I forget about God and his infinite power and love! He has proven to me over and over that He loves me, and blesses me and protects me.

So, today...just this moment right now...I am giving up control. I am surrendering my will and I am giving up control of my body, of my finances, of my daughter, of my husband, of my work, of the things I do I church...just in this moment and hopefully moment by moment by moment of this day. Hopefully, those moments of surrender will continue and make a whole day of surrender.

What I think will happen is that I will no longer be like a city with broken walls, but I will have the self control I need to stand firm, because that control is really coming from my Savior and protector and loving Father, and NOT from me.

I have written about this before, and I will probably write about it again because it is way to easy to pick up the control again and forget God's role in my life. I am thankful that I have finally come to the time in my life where my faith in God is strong enough to help me give up that control in a quicker and easier manner than I used to. It doesn't seem to take as long for me to get frustrated and aggrevated at my own lack of self control and go back to God for help. And...luckily, He will never give up on me, but when I cry out to him, he comes in and starts rebuilding my city walls once again. God's grace is amazing and abundant and everlasting!

Fearfully and wonderfully made

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14

I was talking with a friend yesterday. We were both complaining about the way we are...the fact that both of us are very emotional people, wearing our hearts on our sleeve. It seems that just by looking at me, a person can see what I am feeling. And, for whatever reason, in the last few years especially, I cry at just about everything. I like to think that I am a strong woman. My faith has seen me through many difficult situations in my life. However, I cry when I'm happy...I cry when I'm sad...I cry and get blotchy when I am angry. When I cry, I think it makes me look weak, and not the strong leader that I want to be. Crying over a Hallmark commercial is one thing, but crying over something at work that makes me angry...come on!

But, my friend told me yesterday that both of us should stop feeling bad about who we are...we should starting liking ourselves more. That is a hard thing to do, liking yourself...even the parts of yourself that make you mad. Then this morning I read the verse from Psalms above. God created me the way I am. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Perhaps there is a reason I was made this way. I am soft and tender-hearted for a reason. I easily empathize with people, making me easy to talk to.

Many people are made differently than me. They hold their emotions in and are harder to read. I'm sure there is a reason they are made that way too. When I try to hold things in, (and believe me, I have tried!) I end of making myself sick! That is not how I was made.

So, instead of complaining about how I am, I should learn to embrace ALL my characteristics. God made me and God doesn't make mistakes! His works are wonderful! He knew what he was doing when he made me weepy and sappy and soft-hearted. Maybe I need to learn to control the water-works more often, but I don't have to beat myself up for feeling the way I do.

I read something else this morning that made me stop and think. You were made by God and for God and until you understand that, life will never make sense.


If I can learn to trust God more and embrace my weepiness, how can you trust God more with the way you are? Is there something about yourself that you don't like? Remember that God made YOU and God doesn't make mistakes! Embrace who you are! Join me in thanking God for making us who we are!

CHOSEN

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12

I used to be confused about "God's chosen people." If the Jews were and God's chosen people, what does that make me? Well, I have read and studied and asked a lot of questions...I am no expert in Biblical theory, and I by no means have the answers. But, this is the way I feel God has helped me to understand it. Anyone who believes in God and believes that he sent his only son, Jesus Christ to earth to take on the sins of the world...to be our own personal Savior...anyone who believes that has Christ in his heart and becomes one of God's chosen people. God created ALL people...we are ALL his children. But, some of us have opened our eyes, ears and hearts to god's plan for our salvation and we CHOSE God....therefore, He chooses us!

Ok, now that I have figured out that I am CHOSEN by God, I can truly work to fulfill His call for me. I have been doing a LOT of thinking lately about what that calling is. But I think the verse from Colossians above tells me clearly. WHATEVER I do with my life, in my job, in my home, with my friends, in my community...I should do those things with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. If I am one of God's chosen ones, then I need to act like it and be Jesus to everyone I meet. Since Jesus was perfect, and was all those things all the time, that is a hard act to follow...it is hard and impossible for us who are not perfect to be all those things all the time. But, I think God wants us to try.

Perhaps God is not calling us to specific jobs or careers...perhaps He is calling us to a JOB that is bigger and more important than any job you could possibly have on this earth. If those of us who CHOSE God and know that he CHOSE us would work hard at the job of being compassionate more often, and kinder to more people, and think less of our own needs and more of the needs around us, and had more patience with people at home and at the grocery store and on the highway....if WE did that and truly fulfilled our calling we would have more impact on this world than through any career we might chose for ourselves.

That is a big request and a big job. We are not going to be perfect at it...we will fail at times, we will not do our best at times. But I believe it is what I am called to do. How about you?

"Suck it up, Cupcake!"

"But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have been convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it..." 2 Timothy 3:14

Ok, so you've had a disappointment. Things didn't go your way. You didn't get what you wanted. Life is full of disappointments. This one won't be your last, that is for sure. Life is too short to sit around boo-hooing...there is work to be done! I used to say "Suck it up Buttercup!" but my daughter said to me this morning, "Suck it up, Cupcake!" which I thought was totally appropriate for her to say!

It is ok to have feelings of disappointment. It is natural and very human of us to have these feelings. It is also very natural and human for us to get angry and throw a hissy fit when we don't get our way. Have you ever seen a toddler throw a fit when they don't get what they want? No one taught them to act that way...it is just what comes natural. But, toddlers grow up and learn that throwing a fit usually only makes matters worse...well, some of us grow up and learn that lesson.

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." 1 Corinthians 13:11

I think part of the reason our world seems so messed up, mixed up and dangerous is that we don't heed those words enough. We all want our own way and get mad when it doesn't happen that way and we yell, call people names, scream, stomp our feet and stomp all the way out the door. Now tell me, how is that obeying the commandments that according to Jesus were the most important: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.

And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself'" Matthew 22:37-38

When we want something really bad, we pray for it, ask others to pray for it and WISH it to happen, and when it doesn't, we assume that prayer doesn't work and we get mad at God. That is just flawed thinking. God says he hears our prayers and answers our prayers...it may just not be in our timing or in the way we thought they we would be answered. The sooner we learn that, understand that and grasp the importance of that, the sooner we will be able to move on to and the less time we will waste crying and complaining about how we didn't get what we want.

But, we must give ourselves time to get over it. Our hurt human feelings need time to heal. We mustn't beat ourselves up for having those feelings. God made us the way we are, and he made us with feelings. Reading the Bible, prayer and talking with wise friends are good ways to work through those feelings. Remind yourself of all the blessings in your life. Remind yourself where you would be without those blessings. Talk to someone about it and don't hold it all in to fester into bitterness that will spill out into other areas of your life. Bitterness toward someone else does nothing but cause YOU hurt and sorrow.

So your prayer wasn't answered the way you thought it should be...God has a plan for you. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Suck it up, Cupcake! There is work to be done and life to be lived!

I will not be moved

"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourself fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

Today my own words are few. Songs play an important role in my life and this one by Natalie Grant is playing in my head this morning. It says what my heart is trying to say.

I have been the wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned Sovereignty
And had my share of doubts
And though sometimes my prayers feel like
They're bouncing off the sky
The hand I hold won't let me go
And here's the reason why

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartaches
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

Bitterness has plagued my heart
Many times before
My life has been like broken glass
And I have kept the score
Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed
That I was far too gone
My brokeness helped me to see
It's grace I'm standing on.

And the chaos in my life
Has been a badge I've worn
Though I have been torn
I will not be moved

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartaches
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

Transions...beautiful enough to share

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." (Matthew 7:7, 8 NIV) It has been a long while since I last posted. I am in a period of transition in my life...again...and I find it hard to collect my thoughts well enough to share them with anyone these days. I guess I also feel like I don't have a right to. Let me explain that statement. When I began writing this blog, it had a specific purpose: to share our Bible study lesson with the girls in my group. But, when more and more people began reading it and commenting on it and stating that it was a good way to start their day, I felt a feeling of responsibility. God was working through my words. I loved that idea...like I really WAS able to be an active part of God's plan. I studied the Bible and read books that other very smart people wrote about how God works in our every day lives and shared my feelings about their thoughts. I took the responsibility seriously. But, since the beginning of this year, I have been in a period of searching, examining my life, struggling to trust God's leading, struggling with the idea of taking a risk and what that risk means to my life and the life of my family, struggling with trying NOT to worry. All of that hasn't lessened my faith, but does make me feel confused. I waffle back and forth from feeling elated at the things I feel God doing in my life, to feeling scared to death! I also have felt that I have had God whispering, then speaking and then yelling at me with what he wants me to do...and I again waffle between fully trusting that these feelings are God's leading and worrying that this is just me, discontented with my life and searching for a change. With all of that waffling...how could I write daily, encouraging messages to my friends? When I was so confused, uncertain and worried...how could I provide a good example of total devotion and reliance on God? So, I didn't write. But, when I read today's Bible verse, it struck me that I am not the only one with these struggles. Many of my friends have uncertainties, worries and waffles of their own. Even the "super-saints" I know, who are great pray-ers and always seem sound in their faith, struggle with doubt and uncertainty from time to time. I know that I know that I know that God is there with me every day. I know that this time of transition will pass and will lead me to greater things. I know that if I live a life that follows Jesus' example I will be stronger and have a peace that I don't even understand. Even when I don't know what tomorrow holds for me, I trust that God loves me more than the birds and flowers and he will provide for me and will take care of me. Why not share those feelings with my friends? Why not share my fears and doubts along with my faith? Perhaps they will show my friends that they are not alone...that they too can have a peace during their struggles that will get them through the storms in their lives. I don't know what tomorrow holds for me. I don't know what I will be doing two months from now or 2 years from now. I am having a hard time planning for my future and the future of my family right now. But, I am trusting that since I am knocking really hard, God will hear me and open that door. I am asking for God's guidance and searching for His peace...I trust that I will receive that guidance and will find that peace. The feeling that everything will fall into place one day soon comes over me and makes me able to share that feeling with you. I pray that you are able to find the same peace today.

GPS systems and barriers...

"Then the Lord opened Balaam's eyes, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown." (Numbers 22:31 NIV)

We have been studying Luke 1-2 this week in my small group. Chapter 2 begins with the familiar story of Christ's birth and the only stories we have of Jesus' childhood. A lot of this chapter focuses on obedience. Mary and Joseph obeyed God's call to them, the shepherds and the wise men obeyed angels and God's prodding to go to the Christ child. Joseph obeyed God's direction to take Mary and Jesus to Egypt to escape danger. Simeon and Anna obeyed God's guidance and promises of seeing the Savior. They all obeyed, were rewarded for their obedience and were part of the greatest story ever told, one that saves us even today.

Hearing God's call, listening to his guidance, following the path He is setting for us, hanging on to His promises...all lessons that we learn from one chapter of the Bible, but lessons that have been a major part of my life this week.

Listening for and hearing God's guidance is not always easy. A friend explained it to me like a GPS. When you are driving down the road and your GPS tells you to make a U-turn, and we know U-turns are mostly illegal, we just keep going the direction we THINK is right. We get further and further off track and all along the GPS voice tells us to make a U-turn. Finally, we get so far off course that our smart GPS system says "Recalculating" and starts us off on a different course to get to our destination. God knows where he wants us to go, if we listen and obey and follow his directions, our journey will be smoother with fewer detours.

But...what happens when we THINK we are going in the right direction, but we just never seem to reach where we are going. There is a barrier in our way, stopping us from getting where we THINK we are supposed to go. 

Read about Balaam in Numbers, chapter 22. His story REALLY relates to our lives today. Sometimes we can't even see the barriers in front if us...we just know we just can't seem to get where we want to go. FINALLY,  poor Balaam's eyes were opened and he saw that an angel had been blocking his path. God wanted him to go a different direction.

I am dealing with such issues in my life right now. I pray that my eyes are opened to barriers in my way. I pray that I listen to that GPS system in my head, which is God directing me, and I pray that I obey that direction. I pray the same for you!