"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." (Matthew 7:7, 8 NIV)
It has been a long while since I last posted. I am in a period of transition in my life...again...and I find it hard to collect my thoughts well enough to share them with anyone these days. I guess I also feel like I don't have a right to. Let me explain that statement. When I began writing this blog, it had a specific purpose: to share our Bible study lesson with the girls in my group. But, when more and more people began reading it and commenting on it and stating that it was a good way to start their day, I felt a feeling of responsibility. God was working through my words. I loved that idea...like I really WAS able to be an active part of God's plan. I studied the Bible and read books that other very smart people wrote about how God works in our every day lives and shared my feelings about their thoughts. I took the responsibility seriously.
But, since the beginning of this year, I have been in a period of searching, examining my life, struggling to trust God's leading, struggling with the idea of taking a risk and what that risk means to my life and the life of my family, struggling with trying NOT to worry. All of that hasn't lessened my faith, but does make me feel confused. I waffle back and forth from feeling elated at the things I feel God doing in my life, to feeling scared to death! I also have felt that I have had God whispering, then speaking and then yelling at me with what he wants me to do...and I again waffle between fully trusting that these feelings are God's leading and worrying that this is just me, discontented with my life and searching for a change.
With all of that waffling...how could I write daily, encouraging messages to my friends? When I was so confused, uncertain and worried...how could I provide a good example of total devotion and reliance on God? So, I didn't write.
But, when I read today's Bible verse, it struck me that I am not the only one with these struggles. Many of my friends have uncertainties, worries and waffles of their own. Even the "super-saints" I know, who are great pray-ers and always seem sound in their faith, struggle with doubt and uncertainty from time to time.
I know that I know that I know that God is there with me every day. I know that this time of transition will pass and will lead me to greater things. I know that if I live a life that follows Jesus' example I will be stronger and have a peace that I don't even understand. Even when I don't know what tomorrow holds for me, I trust that God loves me more than the birds and flowers and he will provide for me and will take care of me. Why not share those feelings with my friends? Why not share my fears and doubts along with my faith? Perhaps they will show my friends that they are not alone...that they too can have a peace during their struggles that will get them through the storms in their lives.
I don't know what tomorrow holds for me. I don't know what I will be doing two months from now or 2 years from now. I am having a hard time planning for my future and the future of my family right now. But, I am trusting that since I am knocking really hard, God will hear me and open that door. I am asking for God's guidance and searching for His peace...I trust that I will receive that guidance and will find that peace. The feeling that everything will fall into place one day soon comes over me and makes me able to share that feeling with you. I pray that you are able to find the same peace today.