My sun porch

My sun porch

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Self control and broken walls

"Like a city whose walls are broken through, is a person who lacks self control." -- Proverbs 25:28

Self control is a big issue for me...or lack thereof. I lack the self control to be consistent with my healthy eating, with my exercise, with my attempts at wise spending habits and financial plan to get out of debt. But what I am discovering is that control is not mine to gain.

I have failed over and over to do things myself. I have talked about the fact that I fail over and over, and I TRY to give control to God, but I still seem to hang on.

Sometimes, I feel like a city with broken walls...thieves can sneak in and steal my joy and my health because the protective walls are crumbling and broken and easy to climb over. Even though my city is still trying to do business as usual, my enemies have invaded and I find myself cowering under the bed, waiting for someone to come save me. I cry out to God to save me...

God hears my cries and reaches out to a word from a friend, in a passage I read, in a commercial I see on TV...God reaches out to me and reminds me that He is there. He can chase out my enemies and rebuild my protective walls...but I HAVE TO GIVE UP CONTROL! I have to surrender, not to my ememies, but to my protector and Savior. If I keep trying to fix things on my own, it won't work, it won't be strong enough and those walls will come crashing down again.

I don't know why I forget about God and his infinite power and love! He has proven to me over and over that He loves me, and blesses me and protects me.

So, today...just this moment right now...I am giving up control. I am surrendering my will and I am giving up control of my body, of my finances, of my daughter, of my husband, of my work, of the things I do I church...just in this moment and hopefully moment by moment by moment of this day. Hopefully, those moments of surrender will continue and make a whole day of surrender.

What I think will happen is that I will no longer be like a city with broken walls, but I will have the self control I need to stand firm, because that control is really coming from my Savior and protector and loving Father, and NOT from me.

I have written about this before, and I will probably write about it again because it is way to easy to pick up the control again and forget God's role in my life. I am thankful that I have finally come to the time in my life where my faith in God is strong enough to help me give up that control in a quicker and easier manner than I used to. It doesn't seem to take as long for me to get frustrated and aggrevated at my own lack of self control and go back to God for help. And...luckily, He will never give up on me, but when I cry out to him, he comes in and starts rebuilding my city walls once again. God's grace is amazing and abundant and everlasting!

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