Friday, January 9, 2015
I thank you with all my heart for bringing me back to you yet again. I didn't run away from you this time, as I have in the past. No, this time I drifted slowly away. I slowly let other things become the center of my life. I gradually left you behind and let laziness and selfish desires replace my daily quiet time and that special place for you in my heart. I felt the drift - saw it happening- but did nothing to stop it. Over time, I have become detached, unfocused, cold, empty and feeling alone. Problems have occurred, circumstances have come in to complicate my life and further cause me to feel lost and alone. Depression has crept in and made me sad and often my eyes are filled with tears for things lost and for things I don't even understand. Instead of leaning on you in this difficult time, I made obligatory prayers, but do not feel your comforting arms around me.
Last night was one of those nights sitting in front of my television set with tears streaming down my eyes and an aching in my heart. I cried out to you with a fervor I haven't felt in a long time. Help me! Take this emptiness out of my heart! I can't take it anymore!
I was suddenly motivated to go reach into my cedar chest for the journals that I wrote in several years ago. I dug deep in the pile to find the journal that began my daily devotional/journaling habit - Max Lucado's Grace for the Moment daily devotional journal from 12 years ago. I opened to the first page and from the first paragraph, I felt tears streaming down my cheeks and sobs wracking my body, but this time, they were tears of relief. You DID hear my cries and are answering me! Timely help!
I remember the journey I began 12 years ago when I began seriously reading your word, studying it and finding ways that you were listening to my needs and guiding me on how to heal. You brought me out of a dark time then, and I have faith that is what you are doing in my life right now. I must now do the work...change the bad habits that have developed in the last few years and return to the habit of daily quiet time with you. I will again work toward listening to you and learning from you so that I can let my heart be healed and restored once again by your words and your presence.
I ask that you continue to encourage me, nudge me and guide me on that right path that I have been dodging lately. I thank you again for drawing me closer to you!