Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Secret music of my soul...
This week's memory verse:
"My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises." -- Psalm 119:148
Have you ever felt the joy that comes from doing something you enjoy doing? I'm sure you have. At least I hope you have. We all need to do some things we enjoy doing because it feeds another need in our soul. Last night, I did something I haven't done in over 20 years...I went to Messiah practice. Yep, I signed up to sing in this years Civic Chorus' production of Handel's Messiah. I sing all the time, in church, at home, in the car...anywhere that is acceptable! All of those places bring me joy, but last night I felt GOOD! Even though I haven't felt the best in the world in the last few days, singing this music made me feel envigorated and alive! It is hard stuff, very high and difficult runs, or melisamas and complicated rhythms, etc. However, by singing with 70 some other people this inspired music, my heart had no other option than to feel inspired as well! I was hot and exhausted when I left because it is hard work! But, I also felt so alive! I called my mom to thank her for encouraging me to do this, because I just had to share how good it felt!
This morning, as I read my Bible study lessons, I am touched with how God really does know the inner most, secret longings of our hearts. Today's lesson in my book was about how we tend to hide our inner most secrets from everyone, including God and ourselves. Some things we hide because we are ashamed of them, like thoughts and deeds that we know are wrong. But sometimes there are things inside us that we have pushed aside so long, we have forgotten them.
Proverbs 20:27 says, "The human spirit is the lamp of the Lord that sheds light on one's inmost being."
Psalm 139:23-24 says, "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
God not only knows the anxious and wrong thoughts and motivations in our secret hearts, he knows the things that bring us joy that we have forgotten about ourselves as well. God wants ALL of us...every part. He wants us to guide us in the way to a clean heart and he also wants to help us find the joy that we hide away.
So, God knows my struggles with pride and vanity when it comes to my voice. He knows that sometimes I sing for the wrong reasons...to gain attention; to seek approval; to hope that people like me. BUT, he also knows that music, especially inspired, moving music, moves my heart and invigorates my soul.
Struggling with bouts of depression in the last year have been difficult for me, and I have prayed and prayed that God would walk me through it so I could again be the happy person I long to be. Last night, I felt a glimpse of that happy person again! I might find myself sliding into depression again sometime, but today, I want to hang on to the euphoria I felt singing those high notes that spoke of the glory of the Lord!
Thank you Lord, for seeing the secret, innermost longings inside of me, and granting me even a moment of pure joy! Amen.